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THE TURKEY SHOPPE
BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (1999) (CONTAINS SPOILERS!)
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Turkeys COMING SOON

Directed By:
Daniel Myrick
Eduardo Sánchez

Rated R
Genre: Horror
Contains: Graphic Language, Graphic Violence

THE PLOT:

Three College students go into the woods and search for a legendary ghostly figure called "The Blair Witch" and dispite several warnings that the Witch is camera shy the teens go anyway. Then when strange things start to happen they end up lost in the woods with no map and no hope of escape.

ZEDD'S OPINION:

Here's the truth about the "Blair Witch", it's not real! All the hype had me believing that it was a real documentary they found in the woods. That's the only reason why anyone went to see this pile of steaming crap is they convinced us all it was real. This is a good example on how good marketing can make a bad movie a hit even when it doesn't deserve to be. I mean no wonder all those Blair Witch parodies came out so soon after the original, it deserved to be ridiculed, it was that bad. Nothing happens, 90 minutes or whatever the length is of nothing. By the half way point I was almost asleep. By the way, lame twist at the end also. There is no Blair Witch ghost, it's an escaped mental patient who murders them all. That's it. It's not scary, I've read scarier fairy tales then this way. Don't waste your time on the BLAIR CRAP PROJECT! I give it the Turkey!

turkeyspecial.jpg

VOLTRON'S OPINION:

I couldn't agree more, my dog Rommel leaves scarier things on the lawn then this movie. What a snooze, Zedd almost fell asleep, I did fall asleep. Anyone who thinks this movie is scary needs to watch the B-17 segment of Heavy Metal, now that's scary. This is just lame. THE TURKEY as well.

turkeyspecial.jpg

ON THE POSITIVE SIDE (+ HITS):

SEEN IT, BEEN THERE, DONE, THAT! (Moved way on.)

ON THE NEGATIVE SIDE (- MISSES):

- BORING (Nothing happens.)
- ANNOYING (The characters are annoying who deserve to die for being annoying.)
- FAKE (Don't buy into the hype. This isn't real.)
- NO BLAIR WITCH (What the hell is with the ghost of the escaped mental patient. What does have to do with anything?)
- HYPE (The movie is all hype and no thrills.)
- NOT SCARY (Since nothing happens, it's about as scary as a Political Debate.)

...AND FINALLY TWO WORDS...

- BAD ENDING (If it was a true story and actually footage of something real, then I would have excepted the outcome, but since it's fake, it's just another bad ending.)

CHRISTOPHER'S HOMEPAGE