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THE TURKEY SHOPPE
JOLLY ROGER: MASSACRE AT CUTTER'S COVE (2005) (CONTAINS SPOILERS)
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Turkeys COMING SOON

Directed By:
Gary Jones

Rated R
Genre: Horror
Format Used: Netflix DVD
Contains: Graphic Language, Graphic Violence, Nudity, The Other Shoe Ending

VOLTRON:

Okay, the Poll Winner for the month of November and we have a real winner, NOT! Let me explain, the basic plot if you can call it that surrounds a couple about to head off to college. But when two buddies find an old chest washed ashore by a storm, open it and throw the skull into the ocean, it resurrects Roger LaForge aka Jolly Roger the Pirate who wants revenge on the descendants of the crew that mutiny and killed him.

Let's start with the obvious, the cops. Cops generally are stupid in movies like this, but these guys are so stupid they should be competing in the Special Olympics. One scene the sheriff asked for time of death and the deputy and apparently coroner said "Gee, all the blood came out of the body so I don't know." or something to that effect. I guess writers Gary Jones and Jeffrey Miller never watched a crime show. The coroner takes the liver temperature and that's how they determine time of death. I think it would work even if all the blood is gone. They did decapitations in CSI and that never came up.

Second, no Pirate would ever call himself Jolly Roger, it's the flag's name. They wouldn't want to be mixed up with the flag.

Some of the actors did a good job and others were just piss poor. Plus something came up about needing the heads for Satan to reclaim his treasure, I think they should explored that some more instead glossing over it like it wasn't important to the story!

Dialog was God awful. And lastly and most unforgivable of all, the OTHER SHOE ENDING. The male of the two uses his own sword to cut of Roger's head. He and the chest vanish in a bad CG effect. All is well, the couple lives another day. But the next day, the chest appears again. Roger appears, murders the sheriff and smiles at the two teens. Bad, bad bad! It looks like they were going to go another route which looked like it would have worked better.

There is some stuff in this movie to like, it might have won best of the worst next year but instead all it gets is a turkey and hope I'm not related to Jeff Miller who couldn't do research to save his life. THE TURKEY!

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